red

what if you only ate a certain color everyday? today, almost everything i consumed was red.

don't tilt your head.

i read through some old journal entries from early 2009.

i was disgusted with everything i wrote except for my decision at the time to dye my hair burgundy. 

so.

 i just dyed my hair.

just trying to do what is right in life.

all these years later 

and i wonder if you're still critical 

and you probably think i'm still confused 

and i am
and you are.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

they say gold is at the end of a rainbow.

i say it's in the middle of a tornado.

pics i like:

ANU'06

e v e r y t h i n g a l w a y s s e e m s l i k e y e s t e r d a y

sabotage

this was new to me.

not the day drinking

but the rage i was experiencing.

the surge of joy i was getting while breaking things.

i've never had drink turn on me

or maybe it always has

just in other more subtle ways


anyway, i need a new straightener and blow dryer.

sun-something

i'm hearing birds chirping out here

it's going on nighttime

dusky, rain comin' down lightly

i know nocturnal birds exist

but whenever i hear chirping, i always think of morning.

i get a strange cool feeling

i think:

are the birds mixed up? do they think it's sunrise?

because the atmosphere evoked at sunrise and sunset, to me, are the same

then i think

wait,

am i the one mixed up?

gum covered coins

i know an intelligent older man from my small town that has a nice garden and plays music.

his brother is a fellow in the area who chose to be homeless.

it's been awhile, but i think i heard that life was more than he wanted 

too much

him and his dogs rome the streets in the area.

i remember them setting up camp outside of the Goodwill 

and McDonalds

i'd walk by them from time to time.

he'd say hello but he never asked for anything.

now that i'm older and have experienced what i have

the clutter, the chaos, the taxes, 

the never-ending pile of clothes that need to be folded.

his decision makes a little more sense.

i get it.

take me with you brother.

if i could go back in time

i'd scrape down my purse for every gum covered coin i could find.